End of Year

Alright so it's just that time of the year again, where people talk about the things that they are going to do in the new year to make their lives better. Instead of talking about it, I'm just going to do it. Then everyone can be all "I totally didn't see that coming."

It's possible as well that I wont be doing much of anything. So by not saying that I am going to do all of these things, then no one will know where I epically failed. It's just win win.

Granted labels might give it away...

Nano Problems

Other than being the 5th of November, it's also 5 days into National Novel Writing Month. 5 days with no tally to get behind at all. My nano days appear to be numbered unless I can get something down tonight, when the Bean goes to her father's house.

It's hard mostly because I seem to have all these creative ideas, but nothing seems to want come out of my head. I'm starting to blame the internet for that. With all of it's distractions. It's ways of making things easier while getting in the way of everything else.

My brain I think is on hiatus. I tried convincing my ex last night that I don't have any feelings, but he kept telling me that there was no way I was numb. It's oh so awesome when people think that they have the right to tell me what to do. It comes on the heals of someone that I trusted and thought that I had built up a really good friendship with telling me that I treat my GF (his sister), like a slave, and that I am abusing her. It was wonderful. I know that I don't, or at least I hope that I don't, but there is still that thought in the back of my head. Either way, instead of working on nano for the last 5 days I have been dealing with that crap. Crap I can't even defend myself against, because the person that said it, proceeded to delete me from everything without giving me any explanations. To me when people do that it means they have nothing to begin with.

So that on top of everything else that goes on in my life on a regular day, my brain just isn't there. Oh yeah! The not sleeping for days. Just wonderful. I do think that I need a vacation. I need to go somewhere that allows me to just breathe for a little while. Maybe even just sleep for days. I would love to sleep for days.

Wind Out of Sails

So I was having a hard time coming out of this cold that I have been plagued with, and once again having a hard time coming up with articles that need to get written. A certain game had been released this weekend, I know someone that plays the game regularly, and really did pre-order the game, and has already sat down to play it. I made the mistake of asking what they thought of it, and if I could get their opinion on the games between the last two releases. Apparently this was a problem. Or at least very confusing.

For whatever reason this just took the wind out of my sails. I guess asking why on earth I would even bother writing a story about it, is all it takes for me to just not want to do anything any more. I guess I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I almost didn't in the first place. Should go back there.

Stupid world.

Having some issues

Alright, I got hired for a job, an actual writing job. I want to be able to do this job, but apparently as soon as I am supposed to pick a topic to write about, I am suddenly completely unable to write at all. It's making my brain very sad. For whatever reason I can pick a random topic to write about on my own blog, but doing it for a job is impossible.

There is no denying that a large part of this has to do with confidence. I don't care how well written this blog is, I am doing it for free, and I am doing it for the experience of doing it. I know that part of the way to get rid of writers block is to write, even if it's about nonsense. Not particularly a good idea to do when you're getting paid to do the article.

*Sighs* Maybe tonight after a few beer I can get this shit done. Otherwise I am going to have to force myself to just type it on the fly like I do with everything else.

Writer's Block

For the past few months I have suffered through the worst writers block I have had in years. All the ideas are there, I just can't seem to get them out at all. I realize the key to getting through writers block is to sit down and actually write but I just can't seem to focus on anything either.

I used to prefer writing on paper, but now I am starting to wonder if I need to be writing on the computer from now on. At least this way here I can focus on a few things at once. Maybe my brain has just gone through and merged with the technological advancements that exist now. When I am typing I am able to watch everything that is going on around me. When I am writing I have to focus on the paper, and making sure that all my letters look like letters.

It's also possible that the day to day activities of being a mom has taken it's toll on my brain. I find that at the end of the day, or even just at times when she is sleeping, if I am not sleeping, then I am on the computer looking for work. Maybe when she is a bit older and can entertain herself a bit better, I will be able to focus more. Maybe I just need to drink more coffee. Likely I just need to exercise more. Or at all really. I've heard exercise can be good for the brain.

Too bloody hot out there though.

Any other ideas to get my brain to turn it's self back on?
I could need more human contact. It is lonely in my head.

Getting Lost

I have been trying to get experience in freelance writing, so that I can get more jobs. The problem with this is that the jobs that have been presented to me, are ridiculous. I realize that if I want to get experience then I should take the jobs that I am given, but frankly I am not rewriting an article about sun rooms 4 times. First off, I don't know anything about sun rooms. Second there is about 200 words you can write about sun rooms, not 700. I had 15 more articles to write like that, the second in the line was Patio Rooms. I really didn't have the heart to tell the guy that patio rooms and sun rooms are the exact same thing, so says every source I looked up. Very frustrating.

Today I got a request to do an article about eyelid plastic surgery being done in India. I was supposed to tell everyone why they should go get it done there and what the surgery is about. I don't feel comfortable about that either. I don't think there is enough research I could do where I would feel comfortable writing about having surgery done there just because it's cheaper. I'm sure the surgeries are quite fine and turn out well more often than not. Just, I don't know anything about India.

Maybe I'm being too picky? I'm really not sure, but I do feel that since this is not my primary job that I should be able to at least find things that I can write about.

Also, I wrote one article on jogging/running, which was what the key words were, and I got a bad review because it had nothing to do with weight loss, which wasn't mentioned anywhere. BE MORE SPECIFIC! Dropped my ranking cause he was a douche.

Arg! says I.

I Must be Kinkier then Normal.

I was really hoping that all of this 50 Shades of Grey talk would go away. Turns out if you want to sell books to women you tell them that it's super naughty and filled with lots of sex. Why didn't the romance novels think of that? Oh, that's right, because those still pretend to have a story, unlike 50 Shades.

Now some people might not think that is fair to say, and maybe that's true, however, I challenge them to go through the books and find out how much story there is compared to how much sex there is. Come back and tell me what you find. I bet after book one, once you've really looked at it, you'll discover that there is very little story and a lot of build up to describing sex. This really shouldn't shock me considering that there were 4 Twilight books that built up to no drama and no fighting, and these books apparently started as Twilight fan fiction.

I have no problems with marketing fan fiction, I have no problems with smut. In fact some of the best smut I have ever read has been fan fiction, and it have been dirty. Lots of it was written by middle age women, and let me tell you, wanna good sex scene written? Talk to a woman in her 30's and 40's. Awesome. Anyway, the problem I did have with 50 Shades, other than the fact that it has no real plot, was being told that it offered BDSM sex. It doesn't. It hints at it, but I am pretty sure that I have read way dirtier Star Trek smut, and it's STAR TREK (ever see a sex scene on Star Trek? Wasn't it awkward? yeah...not in fan fiction it isn't. At least not if you know where to find the good stuff).

To me, and in my research, there should at least be some ropes. At the very least. The spanking is good, so I give kudos for that, and the hand cuffs that were used once was also good. Still, everything for me was a little too tame. Everything that was described in the "contract" (if you haven't read 50 Shades: Christian tries to get Anna into a sexual contract where she has to do everything he says), as things that they wouldn't do, were things that I equate with BDSM. The weird thing is, he has the room! He has all the toys! Just you never really get to see (or rather read), them used. False advertising.

For me, due to the extreme amount that the sex was placed over the story of the book, I got bored. I like reading erotica as much as the next person, but I like it varied and I like it interesting. This missed the mark for me. I am glad to hear though, that it's helping women every where talk about sex openly. Maybe that's the most important part.

Still wouldn't hurt to have a little breath play...just sayin.