End of Year

Alright so it's just that time of the year again, where people talk about the things that they are going to do in the new year to make their lives better. Instead of talking about it, I'm just going to do it. Then everyone can be all "I totally didn't see that coming."

It's possible as well that I wont be doing much of anything. So by not saying that I am going to do all of these things, then no one will know where I epically failed. It's just win win.

Granted labels might give it away...

Wind Out of Sails

So I was having a hard time coming out of this cold that I have been plagued with, and once again having a hard time coming up with articles that need to get written. A certain game had been released this weekend, I know someone that plays the game regularly, and really did pre-order the game, and has already sat down to play it. I made the mistake of asking what they thought of it, and if I could get their opinion on the games between the last two releases. Apparently this was a problem. Or at least very confusing.

For whatever reason this just took the wind out of my sails. I guess asking why on earth I would even bother writing a story about it, is all it takes for me to just not want to do anything any more. I guess I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I almost didn't in the first place. Should go back there.

Stupid world.

Having some issues

Alright, I got hired for a job, an actual writing job. I want to be able to do this job, but apparently as soon as I am supposed to pick a topic to write about, I am suddenly completely unable to write at all. It's making my brain very sad. For whatever reason I can pick a random topic to write about on my own blog, but doing it for a job is impossible.

There is no denying that a large part of this has to do with confidence. I don't care how well written this blog is, I am doing it for free, and I am doing it for the experience of doing it. I know that part of the way to get rid of writers block is to write, even if it's about nonsense. Not particularly a good idea to do when you're getting paid to do the article.

*Sighs* Maybe tonight after a few beer I can get this shit done. Otherwise I am going to have to force myself to just type it on the fly like I do with everything else.

Writer's Block

For the past few months I have suffered through the worst writers block I have had in years. All the ideas are there, I just can't seem to get them out at all. I realize the key to getting through writers block is to sit down and actually write but I just can't seem to focus on anything either.

I used to prefer writing on paper, but now I am starting to wonder if I need to be writing on the computer from now on. At least this way here I can focus on a few things at once. Maybe my brain has just gone through and merged with the technological advancements that exist now. When I am typing I am able to watch everything that is going on around me. When I am writing I have to focus on the paper, and making sure that all my letters look like letters.

It's also possible that the day to day activities of being a mom has taken it's toll on my brain. I find that at the end of the day, or even just at times when she is sleeping, if I am not sleeping, then I am on the computer looking for work. Maybe when she is a bit older and can entertain herself a bit better, I will be able to focus more. Maybe I just need to drink more coffee. Likely I just need to exercise more. Or at all really. I've heard exercise can be good for the brain.

Too bloody hot out there though.

Any other ideas to get my brain to turn it's self back on?
I could need more human contact. It is lonely in my head.

I figured it out!

I really have been trying to figure out where my brain has gone these last two weeks, and I'm pretty sure that Batman took them. I'd like to say that I didn't get all wrapped up in the whole "psychologically disturbed man shoots up theater" thing, but I did. When I say I did though, I mean that the moment that people started talking about it, and talking about changing their weekend plans, my brother and I went to the movie and started making inappropriate jokes.

I can not imagine what the people, and the friends and families went through in that entire mess. I just can't. It's heartwarming to see how many people were willing to risk their lives for people. The whole thing was tragic.

Okay, now I'm going to say things that are probably less popular. First of all for everyone in the media that is using this as a reason to make guns harder to get, stop it. For everyone using this as a reason to say "look crazy people kill people not guns" stop it. To everyone that is thinking that this man needs to die to pay for his crimes, you could be right, but lets see if he's actually able to make his choices rationally first. He might have been, I don't know him. He might not have been, judging by the way he seems to be in the news. Once again, I do not know him, and therefore am not going to judge him. These are the things that I do know

1. He is not the Joker. The joker has green hair, so already he has failed. It's possible he is colour blind though. I haven't looked into it. 
2. He is very smart. He was working on a neuroscience degree. I don't know what one exactly, but I do know that neuroscience, is a more difficult one.
3. He was very sick. Okay, this is the part that people are getting hung up on. It's clear to me, that when someone goes out and plans the way they do, and is paranoid enough to do the things he did, and shows enough of the signs of mental illness, that they are likely mentally ill. I didn't need him to come out and state that. In fact I'm guessing he's so mentally ill that he needed his lawyer to actually be the one that actually had to stand up and say stuff, because if he was then he likely would have said something very discriminating, though likely would have cemented an insanity plea. 
4. Over reacting to this situation is, in it's self, insane. If I wanna wear a costume to a movie, then I'm gonna dress up like fucking Iron Man and I'm going to go to a movie!
5. Batman, did not inspire this man. Batman doesn't like guns. Or killing. The killing thing makes him better than Superman. Superman doesn't have a no killing rule. 
6. The Joker did not inspire this man. The joker wouldn't have picked a crowded room and an automatic weapon. Way too easy. Also a Batman movie woulda been a little too on the nose. He would have picked like, Magic Mike. And he woulda been naked. Joker likes a challenge. 

Those things aside, I don't know much. Someone more qualified than me will make the choice of what happens to this disturbed man. At least I hope so.

Getting Lost

I have been trying to get experience in freelance writing, so that I can get more jobs. The problem with this is that the jobs that have been presented to me, are ridiculous. I realize that if I want to get experience then I should take the jobs that I am given, but frankly I am not rewriting an article about sun rooms 4 times. First off, I don't know anything about sun rooms. Second there is about 200 words you can write about sun rooms, not 700. I had 15 more articles to write like that, the second in the line was Patio Rooms. I really didn't have the heart to tell the guy that patio rooms and sun rooms are the exact same thing, so says every source I looked up. Very frustrating.

Today I got a request to do an article about eyelid plastic surgery being done in India. I was supposed to tell everyone why they should go get it done there and what the surgery is about. I don't feel comfortable about that either. I don't think there is enough research I could do where I would feel comfortable writing about having surgery done there just because it's cheaper. I'm sure the surgeries are quite fine and turn out well more often than not. Just, I don't know anything about India.

Maybe I'm being too picky? I'm really not sure, but I do feel that since this is not my primary job that I should be able to at least find things that I can write about.

Also, I wrote one article on jogging/running, which was what the key words were, and I got a bad review because it had nothing to do with weight loss, which wasn't mentioned anywhere. BE MORE SPECIFIC! Dropped my ranking cause he was a douche.

Arg! says I.

Suicide Intervention Training

So, if I thought that my job wasn't brain draining enough, two days worth of suicide intervention training really hit that ball home. I am exhausted. Two solid days of talking only of suicide, whether you think it's important to stop or not is enough to make me wanna sleep for the entire weekend.

For the most part the group that I was taking the training with was amazing. There was one person that the people I sat with didn't particularly care for, and it wasn't hard to see why. You know those people that always have ton interject the conversation with a story about their lives that has nothing to do with anything the group was talking about, but one word that was said might have been the same, so they thought that was an invitation to tell a long winded story about NOTHING? Yeah, she was like that. For TWO days.

I don't think I can fully explain how difficult it is to learn anything with one of these people around. You'd know if you have experienced it, but for the rest of you I really don't have anything to compare it to.

The good thing is, despite the constant redirection from the person in the room, I think the two day workshop was successful. Those that I have talked to feel as though they got quite a bit out of the two days, and I know that I definitely feel more comfortable in my job because of the training. I think that all nurses should probably have this training. We work in a job where we are more likely to come across suicidal people more often then say a welder, so it seems only normal that we should get a little extra training. Problem with this idea is the fact that even in the health care field the idea of suicide is still really frowned upon. Even this week I had someone ask me why we were even intervening. I guess the idea out there is, "if you want to die, then do it. Stop wasting my time." It's very frustrating.

There is nothing worse than working in a profession that is supposed to stand out as a profession that is compassionate and caring and hear people talk about suicide as something that isn't worth helping people about. It's sickening.

I Hate Today

The day started with me jumping awake because I rolled over to check how much longer till the alarm was going to go off, only to realize that it was 630 and I had already missed the alarm. At some point last night I turned off my alarm. I guess my brain thought that I was tired and needed more sleep. Not an unreasonable assumption given the fact that last night I was so tired I was in tears.

The problem is when I start a day already in a heightened state of anxiety my day doesn't get better.

I didn't get a coffee in me until 9. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but I had already been at work for 2 hours by that point.

I didn't get to eat until 1, roughly half way through my shift.

From the start of my day to the end of my day I was running around confused and exhausted. I was taking Dr's orders and helping to control pt's. It really didn't help that today for whatever reason we had two pt's that had to be restrained. Another pt was under close observation (well okay it's the psych ward, everyone is under close observation), and kept eyeing the doors.

That's all I can really say.

The day sucked.