Okay people, It's not even interesting.

The one thing that has annoyed the crap out of me for the last two weeks, is the amount of articles dedicated to turning Kristen Stewart into some kind of villain for doing something that most people do. At the same time the media is doing this, they are glossing over the married man, and his wife and family. They are turning Rob Pattinson into some kind of mythological hero that has been wronged. Let me be one of the first to say: What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I mean that in a positive way I swear. First of all I think the entire situation is icky. For those of you who don't know what's going on, I could link you two about 20 different pages that would tell you in a very dramatic way, but I will instead summarize. Kristen and Rob are the stars of the wildly popular, (for reasons completely unknown to me), Twilight movies. They have been dating for something like three years. I dunno for sure cause that phenomenon has gone on too long, and I haven't paid that much attention. Kristen recently stared in Snow White and the Huntsman. Apparently when she was in that movie, she had a fling with the director of said movie. Now, here's where I get grossed out; the director is 41, and she is only 22. People seem to have no issue with this age thing. I do. I remember a time when we used to look at people who had some semblance of power over someone else, and them sleeping together as icky. Why doesn't that happen any more? Why isn't it even an something that is coming up? Why are we over looking this? Is it just so normal now for older men to pray on younger women, that we don't look at that any more? ICKY.

I do realize that she made a choice, and that she has to deal with the consequences. I don't think that's really the issue here. The bigger issue is why the general populous has made it their mission to decide just what consequences those are gonna be. It's not our life. It's not even almost our business, and no matter what people think, just because you appear on a movie screen, that does not mean that everyone in the world has a right to everything that happens in your life. It's a job. Is it a job that comes with more perks than most? Sure, but the way we treat actors and actresses now days is just despicable. It's gross.

The only reason why I am even talking about this right now, is because for whatever reason it wont go away. Also the comments that I have seen regarding Kristen are also very gross. It's not okay to say those things about anyone. I don't care if they are on a movie screen, and for whatever reason people have decided that, that means that she is a target for everything. It's just not okay. The more we think it's okay, the more that it's going to happen to our kids. Because we all know that in this day and age everyone who is on twitter is a target, and it's not just "celebrities".

If you wanna go to the "well she cheated, so she's a horrible person", route, that's just fine. I think it's important to note that 60% of men and 55% of women all cheat, but you know, I guess having a little over half the population deemed horrible is okay. Who cares right?

Monogamy totally works.

No on here is delusional.

Redirecting

Has anyone ever been 100% sure of anything? Like really? Because I can't think of a time. Except for those times that you're 100% sure you have to pee. I'm always pretty clear on that. I put it off from time to time, but I still always know.

I ask this question because I seem to be having a hard time with this when it comes to my ex. Since I can't say things like "never" or "yes I'm 100% sure" I don't get any where with him. When I do say it he can tell that I'm just saying it to get him to shut up, which to normal people might get him to shut up, but he's not all that normal and this doesn't work that way.

As of right now I just got off the phone with him and I am exhausted. I can't even tell you what half the conversation was about since I haven't got a single idea what I said or what he said, and I swear to god I was listening.  The problem is we seem to go in circles, and while I remain firm on what I think he seems to think that anything positive I have to say means he has a way in. The only way I could get around this is to lie about stuff and I'm just not willing to do that any more.

I feel like I am at the end of my rope. How do you break up with someone you still care about? Is it really impossible to be friends with an ex? If it is, why is that?

That Day...(separation anxiety)

Tonight I work. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing because money is awesome and buys me pretty things. Bad thing because it means that I spend the next 24 hours or so away from my baby. 

It's important. I need to sleep so that when I do get her back I can take care of her, and her dad needs to spend some time with her. That doesn't mean that I have to like it. In fact I'm sure like most parents who have split, this is the hardest part, sharing. I'm not known for being a particularly wonderful sharer to begin with so this is especially hard, since it's supposed to be the one thing that you don't have to share. 

I hear all the time from her father how hard it is for him and that he should be home with us (never going to happen), but he forgets that it's hard for me too. I'm not allowed to say that. I'm not allowed to say that it's hard for me to let her go with him, especially because right now she doesn't want to go. I'm not allowed because I made the choice that we would separate and have therefore lost all right to ever say that I'm unhappy with the fallout of that. I'm not allowed to be hurt that it didn't work, and I'm not allowed to miss my baby when she isn't with me. 

I say not allowed because that's how it feels. The moment that I state that I'm unhappy, I'm bombarded with ways that it would be better if I just took him back so that he could be here all the time then neither of us would have to share. Its a problem fix all wrapped into one lovely package. Except for the part that I don't want to be with him and so if I was doing that I would not be winning, only he would be winning. (except for the part where I would destroy his life to make him as miserable as I am feeling). 

He told me the other day, as he has so many times before, that my insistence that we not get back together is only hurting Bean. Bean has never known for us to live together. She's happy and well adjusted and smart, and other than never wanting her mother to leave her sight some days, she's really good. She has her mom and her step mom (my partner), and she sees her dad three times a week (yeah, that's right three times a week and I still get called unfair), and both sets of grandparents every week. She has so much love around her that I think changing the dynamic of that right now would probably be a bigger deal. She doesn't know it's supposed to be different and I think that teaching her that is harmful. 

In a world where 50% of marriages fail, and there are so many single moms and dads on top of that for other reasons, I really don't think that she's going to feel as though she comes from such an abnormal environment. (Okay the "my moms sleep in the same bed" thing might come up later but I have hope that it wont be an issue then either).  When I was younger, my "happy" parents were and anomaly, I don't really think the world has changed that much.