Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Worst Anxiety days Ever

I am in a spot of unmanageable anxiety. Nothing I am doing seems to help me control it at all. It's getting to the point where I am a bundle of tears and nerves at all times. It is making it impossible for me to actually go to work, because the thought of dealing with anyone is just too much for me to handle. The downside of this, is the anxiety that I have to deal with when I realize that I am a failure for not going to work. I mean what kind of person can't make it to work because the thought of it is making her sick?

The hardest part of dealing with all of this is if I tell someone that I am having a very hard time with my anxiety, and that I find it nearly impossible to go to work, I get told I need to suck it up and do it anyway. Thanks for the advice you prick. Like I don't already know what my responsibilities are. This kind of statement, many people may not realize, only makes anxiety worse. The reason is that now you have to sit there and worry about how many people you are disappointing if you're not perfect. I realize logically that no one said that I needed to be perfect, but the part of my brain that controls the anxiety lets me know that it is completely unacceptable to be anything less than perfect.

It's a weird horrible cycle.

My hope is that one day that I do not have anything to fear when I tell people that I have anxiety. It's a hope.

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