Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Ex issues.

I'm not going to make it a large habit to discuss these things on here. There is a baby involved and I frankly don't want anything online to be used against me for any reason at any time.

My ex and I separated last year. I was still pregnant, and he chalked it up to me being hormonal and didn't believe me when I said I needed space. Looking back on the behaviour I'm sure that I could have had something legally done if I was in my right mind (by right mind I mean, not devastated from kicking my husband of 7 months out when I was 7 months pregnant). I was exhausted and I still didn't see that he had done anything wrong. I was very exhausted, and so epically unhappy, that I really didn't blame him for any of that. I really just thought that I needed the time so that I could figure out what it was that made me so unhappy.

Turns out it was in fact being with him.

Love is blind is a fun thing that you hear a lot of people say, but it does happen to be true. Only now that we are separated can I see the toll that the entire relationship had on me. Not all of it was his fault. There were many admittedly bad choices made by myself as well (living in denial about feelings I was having for someone else was at the top of the list). There are even now still things that I have said in recent days that I do not feel proud about.

Two days ago this ex called because I had started to text, wondering why it has taken so long for him to get an appointment with is lawyer so we can get this separation agreement done. I'm pretty sure a year and a half is an insane amount of time to be waiting for two people to agree on something. Which we do. It just needs to get put in paper, and someone has taken his time because of hope that the two of us will get back together.

This is what the fight ended up being about. My insistence that we will not be getting back together and his insistence that my choice doesn't make any sense and therefore is wrong. Before it's brought up, yes I am seeing someone else, and yes he does know this, though maybe not all the details, but frankly that's none of his business.

My problem is this: we were on the phone for about two hours. I definitely said things that I wish that I hadn't said, (I have apologized for them), but the one thing I wanted to make clear to him was that I would not be taking him back. The very next day, he asked if I was still mad (I wasn't), and when he got the answer he wanted to on that front, he continued to tell me that he still had hope and we just needed to try more. Completely ignoring the fact that I said that I wouldn't be doing anything of the sort. I'm not exaggerating when I say this: THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE'S DONE THIS. Every time we have a conversation and I tell him that's not how it's going to be, the next day he decides that the fact that I'm not yelling at him means that I didn't mean it. Then again this is coming from the guy who when was told that I had expressed many times before that I was unhappy stated that he didn't think I was "serious".

I am at my wits end. How do you deal with someone who doesn't listen? I don't want to rake him over the coals to make him listen, because I do want us to be able to be friendly for the sake of our daughter. I don't know how to do this any more.

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