Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Anxiety is fun...ish.

I just deleted this entire post.

It wasn't good enough.

This one probably wont be either.

Welcome to the basis of most anxieties.

My anxiety is all social anxiety. I am terrified of people. and I don't mean that in a small way. I mean that in a "Please do not make me talk to that person cause if I have to I might spend the next few hours of my life crying uncontrollably."

My GF is nice enough now to do a lot of the phone work, since even ordering pizza sends me into a freak out.

I still haven't found anyone to go to work for me. Talking to patients makes me very nervous. Especially now that I have moved to the psych floor, where talking to the pt's is more important than anything else.

Since having Bean, I've become a bit more anxious. Different reasons though. Now I'm pretty much sure that everything that I do is going to make her turn out like me. I would prefer her be able to make phone calls and talk to people and go to work without being sick. That's my preference. I know enough to know that it's not all environment. She may already be screwed genetically when it comes to the mental illness card.

In my experience the biggest problem with anxiety, and explaining it to other people: If you have good coping mechanisms (which since I'm going on 12 years of learning), then you automatically get told that you're overreacting. Not helpful. It adds to the problem. A lot. Judgment makes anxiety worse, because failure makes anxiety worse.

Mental illness doesn't have to look like illness. Just saying.

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