Gross.

So I'm reading the headlines to do research for the site I write for, and I see that Christina Aguilera is trending. This makes me wonder what on earth the singer could have done to be the number one trending topic on google news. My mine right away went to wondering if she had died, or gotten hurt, or arrested. None of these things is actually what happened. What happened was, she liked food.

The only part of the AMAs that I managed to catch last night was the part where Christina performed. I thought she looked amazing. I thought that she picked clothes that actually looked good on her body. Everything fit. She wasn't all sausaged in to her clothing. Sure it was revealing  and sure it was tight, but she didn't look gross. In fact I thought she looked amazing.

Maybe it's because I have a daughter now, that I'm starting to get more annoyed about all these body issues, but it's really annoying that this is news. It's annoying that weight is ever news. In fact unless the person has to be removed from their house by ambulance, then their weight should never make the news. EVER.

Know what else should never make the news? Anything involving a celebrity's kids, or divorce, except maybe to mention that had a kid, and got a divorce. That's it. The story should go like this: "so and so just ended their marriage of so many years." Then we should immediately move on to news that is actually news. Like, sex trafficking  or dogs that save other dogs, or Tim Horton's changing their cup sizes. You know, news that actually affects real people, living in the real world.

(My spell check is telling me that sausaged is not a real word. I think it's broken.).

Nano Problems

Other than being the 5th of November, it's also 5 days into National Novel Writing Month. 5 days with no tally to get behind at all. My nano days appear to be numbered unless I can get something down tonight, when the Bean goes to her father's house.

It's hard mostly because I seem to have all these creative ideas, but nothing seems to want come out of my head. I'm starting to blame the internet for that. With all of it's distractions. It's ways of making things easier while getting in the way of everything else.

My brain I think is on hiatus. I tried convincing my ex last night that I don't have any feelings, but he kept telling me that there was no way I was numb. It's oh so awesome when people think that they have the right to tell me what to do. It comes on the heals of someone that I trusted and thought that I had built up a really good friendship with telling me that I treat my GF (his sister), like a slave, and that I am abusing her. It was wonderful. I know that I don't, or at least I hope that I don't, but there is still that thought in the back of my head. Either way, instead of working on nano for the last 5 days I have been dealing with that crap. Crap I can't even defend myself against, because the person that said it, proceeded to delete me from everything without giving me any explanations. To me when people do that it means they have nothing to begin with.

So that on top of everything else that goes on in my life on a regular day, my brain just isn't there. Oh yeah! The not sleeping for days. Just wonderful. I do think that I need a vacation. I need to go somewhere that allows me to just breathe for a little while. Maybe even just sleep for days. I would love to sleep for days.

Bullying - AGAIN

With the focus once again on another teenager that has committed suicide because of bullying, the focus is once again on prevention. While I find that this is very important, I think that we need to start focusing on putting some actual pressure on these bullies. I think we need to come up with a plan that says "look, if you do this shit, you're gonna get X as punishment." I have no idea what that would be, but I think we need to start looking into it.

The reason for my big push to actually punish bullies, is the fact that they actually use suicide as a bullying technique. They tell kids to kill themselves. They think that it shows that they are weak. You think that these bullies feel bad for what they did? Do you think that kids killing themselves actually shows the bullies anything? It doesn't. It doesn't show them that what they did isn't acceptable, it doesn't do anything.

I'm not against suicide. More than a lot of people I am all too aware of how much pain you need to be in to be at that point where you know that ending it is the only thing that will make it better. People talk about people that commit suicide as being selfish, and weak. It's the opposite in their minds. They think they are helping people by not being around, and it takes a lot more than most people have in them to take your own life. It's programmed into us to be afraid to die. To take it upon yourself to go against that is very difficult. No matter what people think.

I personally think that these bullies need to pay. I think that it's time we start throwing them in jail, or making them part of chain gang, or charging them a fine that they can't pay, so they have to spend the rest of their teen years working it off. That's my personal thought.

Bullies never go away. I know this to be true, even as an adult. That doesn't mean we have to sit here and let them get away with the disgusting behaviour that they have decided is okay.

Wind Out of Sails

So I was having a hard time coming out of this cold that I have been plagued with, and once again having a hard time coming up with articles that need to get written. A certain game had been released this weekend, I know someone that plays the game regularly, and really did pre-order the game, and has already sat down to play it. I made the mistake of asking what they thought of it, and if I could get their opinion on the games between the last two releases. Apparently this was a problem. Or at least very confusing.

For whatever reason this just took the wind out of my sails. I guess asking why on earth I would even bother writing a story about it, is all it takes for me to just not want to do anything any more. I guess I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today. I almost didn't in the first place. Should go back there.

Stupid world.

Ugly Wake up Call

So when I wake up, especially on a day that I don't have my little Bean, I usually lay there, in my very nice comfy bed, and check on Facebook and Twitter. I like my news. Especially now that I am not longer listening to the good old CBC much any more. What greeted me on my twitter feed was this article from the Huffington Post: Cassidy Goodson, 14-Year-Old, Murders Her Newborn Baby.

I am pretty used to those types of story lines in this day and age. The news of the spectacular, and the spectacularly unimportant seem to hit the news feeds more and more every day. This story though makes me annoyed for several reasons. Makes me sad too, but I would hope that would be just obvious.

First of all, why is there a picture of the 14 year old on the front page? I get when teens do horrible things we feel the need to treat them like adults so that they learn their lesson, and hopefully show the other kids that there are consequences as well. To me though, this is just a tragic. I would make a comment about posting pictures of train wrecks, complete with bodies, but our "news" already does that as well.

Second, and perhaps the most important, I think this story shows why everyone should have actual sex education. Now I'm sure there is some wonder as to how a 14 year old strangling her baby, has anything to do with sex education, but I will show you.

Sex education has been proven to help kids be more responsible in their attitude towards sex. It does not make them more likely to have sex, just as teaching abstinence does not make kids less likely to have sex. Teenagers are gonna have sex, I think it's time we all accepted that. Parents who do this sex education at home, open up a dialogue and create and environment where the kids are more likely to talk to their parents when they have a problem. It doesn't fix every single problem, but I think if the parents were more likely to get their head of out their asses, and remember that sex is a natural part of human biology, and life then maybe their kids wouldn't be so stupid about things. Just maybe, it's really hard to tell these days.

I also think that the people in this story that claimed that they did know this kid was pregnant needs to get charged. If you're so awesome that you're just going to let a scared teen with an oblivious mother, have a kid, which you know will end very badly, then you need to be talked to as far as I am concerned. Charged at the very least.

We used to grow up in a world where everyone helped everyone else, including when it came to their kids. I'm not saying it's perfect, but maybe we need to look at the harm that we are doing by deciding that nothing is our responsibility any more. Who wants to make a bet that everyone is going to say this teen made her choice, now she needs to pay for it? Granted, fair point. Who will sit there and say "you raised this kid to be so afraid of disappointing/talking to you/making you angry, that you caused the death of a baby.

Just saying.

Okay people, It's not even interesting.

The one thing that has annoyed the crap out of me for the last two weeks, is the amount of articles dedicated to turning Kristen Stewart into some kind of villain for doing something that most people do. At the same time the media is doing this, they are glossing over the married man, and his wife and family. They are turning Rob Pattinson into some kind of mythological hero that has been wronged. Let me be one of the first to say: What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I mean that in a positive way I swear. First of all I think the entire situation is icky. For those of you who don't know what's going on, I could link you two about 20 different pages that would tell you in a very dramatic way, but I will instead summarize. Kristen and Rob are the stars of the wildly popular, (for reasons completely unknown to me), Twilight movies. They have been dating for something like three years. I dunno for sure cause that phenomenon has gone on too long, and I haven't paid that much attention. Kristen recently stared in Snow White and the Huntsman. Apparently when she was in that movie, she had a fling with the director of said movie. Now, here's where I get grossed out; the director is 41, and she is only 22. People seem to have no issue with this age thing. I do. I remember a time when we used to look at people who had some semblance of power over someone else, and them sleeping together as icky. Why doesn't that happen any more? Why isn't it even an something that is coming up? Why are we over looking this? Is it just so normal now for older men to pray on younger women, that we don't look at that any more? ICKY.

I do realize that she made a choice, and that she has to deal with the consequences. I don't think that's really the issue here. The bigger issue is why the general populous has made it their mission to decide just what consequences those are gonna be. It's not our life. It's not even almost our business, and no matter what people think, just because you appear on a movie screen, that does not mean that everyone in the world has a right to everything that happens in your life. It's a job. Is it a job that comes with more perks than most? Sure, but the way we treat actors and actresses now days is just despicable. It's gross.

The only reason why I am even talking about this right now, is because for whatever reason it wont go away. Also the comments that I have seen regarding Kristen are also very gross. It's not okay to say those things about anyone. I don't care if they are on a movie screen, and for whatever reason people have decided that, that means that she is a target for everything. It's just not okay. The more we think it's okay, the more that it's going to happen to our kids. Because we all know that in this day and age everyone who is on twitter is a target, and it's not just "celebrities".

If you wanna go to the "well she cheated, so she's a horrible person", route, that's just fine. I think it's important to note that 60% of men and 55% of women all cheat, but you know, I guess having a little over half the population deemed horrible is okay. Who cares right?

Monogamy totally works.

No on here is delusional.

Frustration

Of course day shifts this week mean that I get hit with a wave of anxiety that was completely uncontrollable. I I knew as I was staring at the clock at 330 am with only two hours to go before my alarm was to wake me up for my day, that I should have stayed home. I knew actually at 10pm last night that I should be staying home. I know my body. I know how well I work under those circumstances. All of that means nothing when people are looking at you like you're coming up with any excuse to not go to work. Even the people that you work with, whom also work with people who have mental illness, seem to judge all to harshly. You'd think that a group of people that work with the sickest of the mentally ill, would be more understanding. They aren't.

I say that as a blanket statement because I am just too scared to talk to my manager about getting modified to be on night shifts only. The same anxiety that prevents me from going to work, also prevents me from staying home. It's very difficult. I am very afraid of being fired, but at the same time going to work sick, and dizzy, and exhausted from panic attacks, makes me a not so great nurse. The only up side is the chance of me making a mistake that will kill someone is lessened by being on this floor. It's not gone though which is a big problem.

My wish is that people didn't look at me as though I was making everything up because I'm able to cope just slightly better than the people admitted to the unit. I know I say it all the time, but I really do wish that anxiety was viewed as a real illness not just one of those ones that people make up. Or better still, not an excuse that people who are lazy use.

You don't have to understand it, but it is important that people start to realize that it isn't as simple as just "doing the job anyway". It isn't as simple as "get the fuck out of the house". It isn't as simple as understanding that "you're strong enough". All of those phrases, even the well meaning ones, are degrading. Stating something like that means that you aren't taking it seriously. Stating something like that means that you aren't listening. It hurts.

Smarten up.

I figured it out!

I really have been trying to figure out where my brain has gone these last two weeks, and I'm pretty sure that Batman took them. I'd like to say that I didn't get all wrapped up in the whole "psychologically disturbed man shoots up theater" thing, but I did. When I say I did though, I mean that the moment that people started talking about it, and talking about changing their weekend plans, my brother and I went to the movie and started making inappropriate jokes.

I can not imagine what the people, and the friends and families went through in that entire mess. I just can't. It's heartwarming to see how many people were willing to risk their lives for people. The whole thing was tragic.

Okay, now I'm going to say things that are probably less popular. First of all for everyone in the media that is using this as a reason to make guns harder to get, stop it. For everyone using this as a reason to say "look crazy people kill people not guns" stop it. To everyone that is thinking that this man needs to die to pay for his crimes, you could be right, but lets see if he's actually able to make his choices rationally first. He might have been, I don't know him. He might not have been, judging by the way he seems to be in the news. Once again, I do not know him, and therefore am not going to judge him. These are the things that I do know

1. He is not the Joker. The joker has green hair, so already he has failed. It's possible he is colour blind though. I haven't looked into it. 
2. He is very smart. He was working on a neuroscience degree. I don't know what one exactly, but I do know that neuroscience, is a more difficult one.
3. He was very sick. Okay, this is the part that people are getting hung up on. It's clear to me, that when someone goes out and plans the way they do, and is paranoid enough to do the things he did, and shows enough of the signs of mental illness, that they are likely mentally ill. I didn't need him to come out and state that. In fact I'm guessing he's so mentally ill that he needed his lawyer to actually be the one that actually had to stand up and say stuff, because if he was then he likely would have said something very discriminating, though likely would have cemented an insanity plea. 
4. Over reacting to this situation is, in it's self, insane. If I wanna wear a costume to a movie, then I'm gonna dress up like fucking Iron Man and I'm going to go to a movie!
5. Batman, did not inspire this man. Batman doesn't like guns. Or killing. The killing thing makes him better than Superman. Superman doesn't have a no killing rule. 
6. The Joker did not inspire this man. The joker wouldn't have picked a crowded room and an automatic weapon. Way too easy. Also a Batman movie woulda been a little too on the nose. He would have picked like, Magic Mike. And he woulda been naked. Joker likes a challenge. 

Those things aside, I don't know much. Someone more qualified than me will make the choice of what happens to this disturbed man. At least I hope so.

Getting Lost

I have been trying to get experience in freelance writing, so that I can get more jobs. The problem with this is that the jobs that have been presented to me, are ridiculous. I realize that if I want to get experience then I should take the jobs that I am given, but frankly I am not rewriting an article about sun rooms 4 times. First off, I don't know anything about sun rooms. Second there is about 200 words you can write about sun rooms, not 700. I had 15 more articles to write like that, the second in the line was Patio Rooms. I really didn't have the heart to tell the guy that patio rooms and sun rooms are the exact same thing, so says every source I looked up. Very frustrating.

Today I got a request to do an article about eyelid plastic surgery being done in India. I was supposed to tell everyone why they should go get it done there and what the surgery is about. I don't feel comfortable about that either. I don't think there is enough research I could do where I would feel comfortable writing about having surgery done there just because it's cheaper. I'm sure the surgeries are quite fine and turn out well more often than not. Just, I don't know anything about India.

Maybe I'm being too picky? I'm really not sure, but I do feel that since this is not my primary job that I should be able to at least find things that I can write about.

Also, I wrote one article on jogging/running, which was what the key words were, and I got a bad review because it had nothing to do with weight loss, which wasn't mentioned anywhere. BE MORE SPECIFIC! Dropped my ranking cause he was a douche.

Arg! says I.

Come On....

Alright I may get some slack for this, but I don't rightly care. I need to stop reading movie reviews. At least by people that aren't actually looking to watch movies for fun.

I get it, the movies these days are not as smart and as well thought out as movies from years ago. I get that those that are, are usually so into themselves that they forget that people might actually watch them. I also get that movies are being turned out so fast that it's pretty clear that they are only to make money.

These things do not excuse acting as though reviewing a movie makes you the best human on earth. You can expect more from your entertainment, but you still need to remember that these are in fact, just movies, made for entertainment. If you know that a movie is likely not going to be for you, please stop watching it. I can tell when you're going in pre-jaded. I can tell when you've judged the movie based on the actor or the theme. I'm not holding you at fault for this, everyone does it, but not everyone that does it claims to be an "expert" of movies.

Also, shut up. You don't know what I like.