Great Day

So far today I am kind of just sitting here listening to my kid, who is obviously feeling better, scream and run around this house like a crazy person. Its been good except for the part where she has decided that she isn't going to nap.

It's a good day but its going to be a long day.

Tablet test post

Just checking to see how this thing works. Trying to make the tabby more functional.

End of Year

Alright so it's just that time of the year again, where people talk about the things that they are going to do in the new year to make their lives better. Instead of talking about it, I'm just going to do it. Then everyone can be all "I totally didn't see that coming."

It's possible as well that I wont be doing much of anything. So by not saying that I am going to do all of these things, then no one will know where I epically failed. It's just win win.

Granted labels might give it away...

Enough

I made this statement on a friend's facebook profile the other day when the topic turned to society deciding to make the changes we needed, rather than letting the politicians do all the work. Or really, rather than leaving the politicians in charge, when they so clearly aren't getting anything done. I agreed with the sentiment. Even if we wanted the politicians to take control of everything, we as a people still govern what they need to think of as important. Or at least we should be able to. In the wake of the shooting in Newton, CT, it is important that we as a people stand up, and tell the people that govern our land, exactly what they need to do to keep us happy.

Now, I am Canadian, I might not have a say in things that happen south of the border, but that doesn't mean that I can't also be outraged at the actions of a people that live very close to my home. Not only that, some of these things are actions I would like to see taken in my own home and native land.

The number one thing: more scrutiny on what the media is allowed to report. I get that there is a "freedom of speech" thing going on, but maybe we need to sit down and have a discussion on what that freedom really means. Does it really mean that we can interview 6 year old's about how they felt as they watched their classmates gunned down? Hell should we even be talking to anyone under the age of 18 in a situation like this? Should the media be interviewing victims at all the day something like this happens? I know we can, but that doesn't mean we should. People doing this, need to stop right the fuck now. You're gross. Nothing you can do will change my opinion on that. If you're interviewing traumatized kids, you're gross. Like that gum I had to scrape off my shoe the other day. So stop it. You don't want to be gross sidewalk gum.

There is no reason that any of this should happen. All we have done is sensationalize other people's pain. I've gone on this rant before when it comes to the all consuming celebrity news coverage we get. It seems even more disgusting that we are doing the same thing to traumatized children. None of this is important information to know what happened. There were adults there. They can tell us when the time is right. They do not need to be telling us 10 minutes after everything happens.

While on that topic: whoever stated that the children were shot "too many times to count" needs to also stop being gross. PARENTS DO NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT IN THE MEDIA, YOU SICK FUCK.

The other thing that needs to be focused on: Mental Health. I know that a lot of people are throwing guns down as the number one thing that we need to focus on, but come on. It's important to understand that a lot of people don't just pick up guns and kill people. Most people that are healthy don't anyway. Healthy minded people don't even think it's a good idea to kill a lot of people. Even sick people can barely manage that. Sick people don't have the energy to kill a bunch of people. Mental Illness takes a lot out of a person. With one exception: When the person finally settles on a plan to kill themselves. A lot of calm comes over a person when they have finally decided how they are going to end their lives.

The important part, isn't even any of that. The important part, is paying attention to the people around you. To listening to what they have to say. To not brushing them off when they say that they are depressed. Not using the words "everyone feels this way sometimes" or "you just need to brush it off". For whatever reason we as a society have decided, not only what people get to feel, but that if they don't feel a certain way, then they aren't really supposed to be part of the world anyway.

Now I have no idea if the shooter at Newton, CT was actually sick. I didn't know him. I have no idea what his intentions are or any of that nonsense. It doesn't matter any more. It mattered a month ago. Now all that matters is the fact that this tragedy happened. We need to help these family's. We need to make giant tsunami type waves of change to make sure that these shootings happen less and less.

Also, if people could stop putting fucking metal rods that shoot metal pellets at other things, above humans that would be so awesome. Put your guns away you fuckheads. The saying "guns don't kill people, people kill people" rings hollow in a time when 20 kids were killed by a gun. A high powered rifle none the less. Worth a note: 22 kids in China attacked by another sick man, but with a knife. All 22 survived. Maybe it's the person. Or maybe guns really do actually kill people. At the very least, they make it many times easier. Also, what do you need all those guns for? Just in case the government decides to get all out of line? You know, in Canada we still have guns. Many guns. We keep them locked up, use them mostly for hunting. They will still be here to shoot the dictator, should one arise. We don't need no fancy assault rifle sitting around our house, or a glauck under our freaking jackets.

Gross.

So I'm reading the headlines to do research for the site I write for, and I see that Christina Aguilera is trending. This makes me wonder what on earth the singer could have done to be the number one trending topic on google news. My mine right away went to wondering if she had died, or gotten hurt, or arrested. None of these things is actually what happened. What happened was, she liked food.

The only part of the AMAs that I managed to catch last night was the part where Christina performed. I thought she looked amazing. I thought that she picked clothes that actually looked good on her body. Everything fit. She wasn't all sausaged in to her clothing. Sure it was revealing  and sure it was tight, but she didn't look gross. In fact I thought she looked amazing.

Maybe it's because I have a daughter now, that I'm starting to get more annoyed about all these body issues, but it's really annoying that this is news. It's annoying that weight is ever news. In fact unless the person has to be removed from their house by ambulance, then their weight should never make the news. EVER.

Know what else should never make the news? Anything involving a celebrity's kids, or divorce, except maybe to mention that had a kid, and got a divorce. That's it. The story should go like this: "so and so just ended their marriage of so many years." Then we should immediately move on to news that is actually news. Like, sex trafficking  or dogs that save other dogs, or Tim Horton's changing their cup sizes. You know, news that actually affects real people, living in the real world.

(My spell check is telling me that sausaged is not a real word. I think it's broken.).

Nano Problems

Other than being the 5th of November, it's also 5 days into National Novel Writing Month. 5 days with no tally to get behind at all. My nano days appear to be numbered unless I can get something down tonight, when the Bean goes to her father's house.

It's hard mostly because I seem to have all these creative ideas, but nothing seems to want come out of my head. I'm starting to blame the internet for that. With all of it's distractions. It's ways of making things easier while getting in the way of everything else.

My brain I think is on hiatus. I tried convincing my ex last night that I don't have any feelings, but he kept telling me that there was no way I was numb. It's oh so awesome when people think that they have the right to tell me what to do. It comes on the heals of someone that I trusted and thought that I had built up a really good friendship with telling me that I treat my GF (his sister), like a slave, and that I am abusing her. It was wonderful. I know that I don't, or at least I hope that I don't, but there is still that thought in the back of my head. Either way, instead of working on nano for the last 5 days I have been dealing with that crap. Crap I can't even defend myself against, because the person that said it, proceeded to delete me from everything without giving me any explanations. To me when people do that it means they have nothing to begin with.

So that on top of everything else that goes on in my life on a regular day, my brain just isn't there. Oh yeah! The not sleeping for days. Just wonderful. I do think that I need a vacation. I need to go somewhere that allows me to just breathe for a little while. Maybe even just sleep for days. I would love to sleep for days.

Worst Person Ever

Last night my GFs brother accused me of treating her like a slave and using her only for my convenience. This is a bad topic of conversation, and possibly the worst thing that anyone could ever say. Since the start of our relationship that's the only thing that everyone has accused me of. Everyone thinks that the only things that I am in this relationship for is to have her do everything for me. It's insulting to the both of us. It's insulting to me that I would even consider doing that to someone I love, and it's insulting to her that people would think that the only way someone would be with her is because she's good at house work.

Now, I don't deny that she does a lot around here. She always has. It started when I was pregnant, and could barely do anything. It's a lot less now. She does dishes, and laundry. I do tidying, and vacuuming, and almost all of the baby care (which now that she is refusing naps is a lot). I do ask her to get me drinks, and do stuff that I could easily do myself. I am working on it. It's something I got used to when I couldn't move as well, but I am actively working on changing it and have been for a while. During the day I try and do as much as I can while she's at work, including looking for more work for me to do. I actively look for a new job while she's out, and I do already have a job (and do freelance writing on the side).

It's making me sick. When she and I first got together that was everyone's first assumption. That I was only with her because she waited on me hand and foot. It's not true, but that was how it appeared to everyone else. I don't show my feelings well in public. I'm just not good at it.

My anxiety is so bad right now about all of this it was making me feel as though I should just go for a long, long walk last night. In the dark. In traffic. I didn't (obviously), instead I got extremely wrathy. There was some talk of vandalism, including fire, but I calmed down and made sure that nothing got hurt or broken. Instead I sent her down to talk to her brother to find out exactly what was going on. It was an interesting night, but none of it made me feel better.

I still think that I am a horrible person for her. It comes at an even worse time because I feel useless as a mother right now as well, what with my kid not sleeping ever, and never wanting to go to her dad's house. I feel just awful around everyone. Like I'm just not good for anyone to be around. I feel toxic and horrible.

Bad timing to be called a horrible person.